Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Like a Broken Vessel

By Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

How do you best respond some responses are better than others when mental or emotional challenges confront no one goes looking for these kinds of challenges...sometimes they just show up you or those you love?

The Apostle Peter wrote that disciples of Jesus Christ are to have “compassion one of another.”¹ There you have it...the best response is compassion. In that spirit of compassion I wish to speak to those who suffer from some form of mental illness or emotional disorder, whether those afflictions be slight or severe, of brief duration or persistent over a lifetime. We sense the complexity there is much you don't understand...of such matters when we hear professionals speak of neuroses and psychoses, of genetic predispositions and chromosome defects, of bipolarity, paranoia, and schizophrenia. However bewildering this all may be, these afflictions are some of the realities of mortal life, and there should be no more shame in acknowledging them take your judgments out of your diagnosis than in acknowledging a battle with high blood pressure or the sudden appearance of a malignant tumor.

In striving for some peace and understanding peace comes from being understanding...in these difficult matters, it is crucial "vital; essential; significant" to remember that we are living—and chose to live—in a fallen world where for divine purposes our pursuit of godliness will be tested and tried again and again. Those tests come to the one suffering and to the one being tempted to misjudge the one suffering Of greatest assurance this assurance brings hope in God’s plan is that a Savior was promised, a Redeemer, who through our faith in Him would lift us triumphantly over those tests and trials, we must have faith in Him to triumph. The expression "over those tests and trials" suggests that there will be mountains to climb even though the cost to do so would be unfathomable for both the Father who sent Him and the Son who came. It is only an appreciation of this divine love that will make our own lesser suffering first bearable, then understandable, and finally redemptive. Notice the order...we first bear our trials by keeping them in perspective. We then learn to understand them in God's great Plan of Happiness for us. Then we allow those trials to deliver us from our sins and carnal nature, leaving us better than before the trial. 

Let me leave the extraordinary illnesses I have mentioned to concentrate on MDD—“major depressive disorder”—or, more commonly, “depression.” When I speak of this, I am not speaking of bad hair days, tax deadlines, or other discouraging moments we all have. Everyone is going to be anxious or downhearted on occasion. The Book of Mormon says Ammon and his brethren were depressed at a very difficult time,² and so can the rest of us be. But today I am speaking of something more serious, of an affliction so severe that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully, a crater in the mind so deep that no one can responsibly suggest it would surely go away if those victims would just square their shoulders and think more positively—though I am a vigorous advocate of square shoulders and positive thinking! This is the first step to compassion; a correct perception of what you are looking at.

No, this dark night of the mind and spirit is more than mere discouragement. I have seen it come to an absolutely angelic man when his beloved spouse of 50 years passed away. I have seen it in new mothers with what is euphemistically labeled “after-baby blues.” I have seen it strike anxious students, military veterans, and grandmothers worried about the well-being of their grown children. It can strike anyone, anytime. This is the next step to compassion. Acknowledging that "there, but for the grace of God, go I."

And I have seen it in young fathers trying to provide for their families. In that regard I once terrifyingly  saw it in myself. At one point in our married life when financial fears collided with staggering fatigue, Step three: Understand and have compassion for fact that the person is overwhelmed and terrified with their feelings of fear and the extreme fatigue that leaves them feeling without the strength to fight. I took a psychic blow that was as unanticipated as it was real. Step four: Understand that the person was not looking for this condition, nor aware of what was creating it.  With the grace of God and the love of my family, Step five: Pray for the grace of God to empower the person; be that person that personifies love of family - whether you are related by blood or not...  I kept functioning and kept working, but even after all these years I continue to feel a deep sympathy for others more chronically or more deeply afflicted with such gloom than I was. Step six: Feel deep sympathy for the total darkness that sometimes envelopes others, especially if it is ongoing or very deep. In any case we have all taken courage from those who, in the words of the Prophet Joseph, “search[ed] … and contemplate[d] the darkest abyss”³ and persevered through it—sometimes that is all the person can do - persevere. They may not be delivered in this lifetime. We then, who are not so afflicted, must help them persevere by not adding to their burden with our impatience or judgments. not the least of whom were Abraham Lincoln, Winston Churchill, and Elder George Albert Smith, the latter being one of the most gentle and Christlike men of our dispensation, who battled recurring depression for some years before later becoming the universally beloved eighth prophet and President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Step seven: Understand that suffering from depression does not mark you as a sinner. Look past the condition to the greatness of the soul that inhabits the mortal body. Help the person understand that they can still accomplish great things now and in the future if they will just persevere.

So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love?One: Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend. Why is this above all else? Probably because to the one suffering, this is the first thing that wants to go. Watching someone suffer can be difficult as well. Everyone wants relief for the sufferer and it's hard to understand "why" it doesn't come....but that is where we must never lose sight of who God is and how much He loves us. This condition in no way is a measure of His love for you. As President Monson said to the Relief Society sisters so movingly last Saturday evening: “That love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.”⁴ Never, ever doubt that, and never harden your heart.That means you hang on to the thought, "I know God knows and loves me" even if you don't understand anything else. Two: Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. Do not abandon prayer, church, the sacrament, scripture study, temple attendance....even when you don't feel like it! Three: Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings.Four: Take the sacrament every week, and hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.Five: Believe in miracles. I have seen so many of them come when every other indication would say that hope was lost. Hope is never lost. If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all,Six: remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead.⁵

In preventing illness whenever possible,There may not be a lot you can do to totally eradicate depression, but we should do what we can, if we can... watch for the stress indicators in yourself and in others you may be able to help. As with your automobile, be alert to rising temperatures, excessive speed, or a tank low on fuel. Don't push yourself too hard, go too fast, or go without proper rest. When you face “depletion depression,” I think this can come upon any of us when we don't take proper care of ourselves make the requisite adjustments. Fatigue is the common enemy of us all—so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill. Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill. This one really caught my ear the first time I heard it and is a reality that we must constantly face every time we decide what to eat, what to drink, when to sleep, and when to exercise. As a nation, we do not take prevention as seriously as we should, thinking modern medicine can save us. Even if it can...it is not the preferred way to handle things. Daily choices. They matter.

If things continue to be debilitating, meaning, you can't function as you would like... seek the advice of reputable people which means you may have to share what you are going through with others to get some recommendations...(see paragraph one) with certified training, professional skills, and good values. Don't leave the "good values" part out of the equation... Be honest They aren't psychic...they can only go with what you share...with them about your history and your struggles. Prayerfully and responsibly Let the Spirit guide you. If you need to switch counselors...do it. If they are telling you something that goes against your values, take responsibility for your own health and find someone else. You are not obligated to continue seeing anyone that makes you uncomfortable...consider the counsel they give and the solutions they prescribe. On the other hand, if they give you good counsel, be responsible, and follow their advice and learn to use the tools they provide. If you had appendicitis, God would expect you to seek a priesthood blessing and get the best medical care available. We all just want to be healed. But sometimes the journey brings the kind of healing we really need...not the quick fix. I don't think best medical care has to mean it's the most expensive. Just the best for you. Consider the latest research as well. New things/tools are being discovered all the time. So too with emotional disorders. Our Father in Heaven expects us to use all of the marvelous gifts He has provided in this glorious dispensation.Notice he said gifts. Someone inside the medical field may not really have a gift to discern and heal. Or they may. Someone outside the traditional medical field may or may not also have the gift to heal. One of my dilemmas with seeking the best medical care, is the cost. If you don't have a stellar insurance plan, is it responsible to go in to massive amounts of debt to seek healing? I personally feel like I need to exercise my faith and seek for direction within the means that the Lord has provided for me. That's just me...

If you are the one afflicted or a caregiver to such, try not to be overwhelmed with the size of your task. Don’t assume you can fix everything, but fix what you can. If those are only small victories, be grateful for them and be patient. Dozens of times in the scriptures, the Lord commands someone to “stand still” or “be still”—and wait.⁶ Patiently enduring some things is part of our mortal education. What I'm going to share now may seem off the topic of depression as it deals with abuse, but abuse often leads to depression and is worth mentioning here. Chieko Okazaki gave a landmark talk on the issue that has had a great impact on me. You can watch the video of this talk here or read it here.  I HIGHLY recommend it!

For caregivers, in your devoted effort It takes real devotion...to assist with another’s health, do not destroy your own.  In all these things be wise. Do not run faster than you have strength.⁷ In other words, no one should be afraid to ask for help in the giving and receiving of care. The receiver should gratefully accept whatever is offered and not expect more than someone can give and the giver must accept their own limitations. Having said that, we must never forget that the Atonement is an enabling power and can give you both strength beyond your own. Whatever else you may or may not be able to provide, you can offer your prayers and you can give “love unfeigned.”⁸ “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; … [it] beareth all things, … hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth.”⁹ This is what those suffering from depression need...longsuffering, kindness, hope, enduring love and a friendship that they can always count on to never fail.

Also let us remember that through any illness or difficult challenge, there is still much in life to be hopeful about and grateful for. Gratitude can save us in our worst moments. We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions! "I am not my body! I am not my illness!" Stephanie Clark Nielson and her family have been our friends for more than 30 years. On August 16, 2008, Stephanie and her husband, Christian, were in a plane crash and subsequent fire that scarred her so horrifically that only her painted toenails were recognizable when family members came to indentify the victims. There was almost no chance Stephanie could live. After three months in a sleep-induced coma, she awoke to see herself. With that, the psyche-scarring and horrendous depression came. Having four children under the age of seven, Stephanie did not want them to see her ever again. She felt it would be better not to live. “I thought it would be easier,” Stephanie once told me in my office, “if they just forgot about me and I quietly slipped out of their life.”

But to her eternal credit, and with the prayers of her husband, family, friends, four beautiful children, and a fifth born to the Nielsons just 18 months ago, Stephanie fought her way back from the abyss of self-destruction to be one of the most popular “mommy bloggers” in the nation, openly declaring to the four million who follow her blog that her “divine purpose” in life is to be a mom and to cherish every day she has been given on this beautiful earth. Finding your divine purpose in the midst of your affliction and something to be grateful for each day can be the thing that gets you through each moment.

Whatever your struggle, my brothers and sisters—mental or emotional or physical or otherwise—do not vote against the preciousness of life by ending it! To those who are considering suicide... Trust in God. Hold on in His love. Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee. Though we may feel we are “like a broken vessel,” as the Psalmist says,¹⁰ we must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed.Under the care of a Master Physician... While God is at work making those repairs, the rest of us can help by being merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind. Mercy, non-judgment, kindness...that is how you respond to those suffering from depression. Why? Because if it were you...you would want people to treat you that way. Most often, we do not have the the details as to what came before the depression...hence, we must not judge. We must look past our own expectations and natural man tendencies to react and see the heart that is hurting and offer kindness.

I testify of the holy Resurrection, that unspeakable cornerstone gift in the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ! With the Apostle Paul, I testify that that which was sown in corruption will one day be raised in incorruption and that which was sown in weakness will ultimately be raised in power.¹¹ I bear witness of that day when loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind. This is what it means to see as God sees. This is the hope that we must never lose and always offer to others. What a thrilling moment that will be! I do not know whether we will be happier for ourselves that we have witnessed such a miracle or happier for them that they are fully perfect and finally “free at last.”¹² Until that hour when Christ’s consummate gift is evident to us all, may we live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show “compassion one of another,”¹³ Faith in the nature of God as your Father; hope that through the Atonement all hurts will be healed; and compassion for each other. The one who is afflicted must show compassion for the limitations of the onlooker and the onlooker must show compassion for the afflicted, knowing that they are limited in their ability to understand and/or help. I pray, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Notes

1. 1 Peter 3:8.

2. See Alma 26:27; see also Alma 56:16.

3. Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph Smith (2007), 267.

4. Thomas S. Monson, “We Never Walk Alone,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2013, 123, 124.

5. See Matthew 26:39.

6. See, for example, Psalm 4:4; Doctrine and Covenants 101:16.

7. See Mosiah 4:27.

8. Doctrine and Covenants 121:41.

9. 1 Corinthians 13:4, 7–8; emphasis added; see also Moroni 7:45–46.

10. Psalm 31:12.

11. See 1 Corinthians 15:42–43.

12. “Free at Last,” in John W. Work, comp., American Negro Songs: 230 Folk Songs and Spirituals, Religious and Secular (1998), 197.

13. 1 Peter 3:8.

IMPERATIVES

• The best response for those with mental or emotional issues is COMPASSION because:
• the issues are complex
• it is an affliction so severe, a crater in the mind so deep,  that it significantly restricts a person’s ability to function fully 
• it can strike anyone at any age, anytime
• it is unanticipated and it is real
• Understand and have compassion for the fact that the person is overwhelmed and terrified with their feelings of fear and that extreme fatigue leaves them feeling they are without the strength to fight
• Pray for the grace of God to empower the afflicted person; be the person that personifies love of family - whether you are related by blood or not 
• Do not feel shame in acknowledging your depression
• Do not look upon others with depression with judgment
• Feel deep sympathy for the total darkness that sometimes envelopes others, especially if it is ongoing or very deep.
• Understand that suffering from depression does not mark the one suffering as a sinner. Look past the condition to the greatness of the soul that inhabits the mortal body. 
• Help the one suffering understand that they can still accomplish great things now and in the future if they will just persevere. 
• Never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend.  
• Strive for peace and understanding by:
• remembering you chose to live in a fallen world with testing for divine purposes
• having faith that the Savior can lift you triumphantly over your tests and trials 
• appreciating the unfathomable, divine love of the Savior  whose suffering will help make your own lesser suffering seem first bearable, then understandable, then redemptive
• Never, ever doubt God's unchanging love for you
• Never harden your heart. 
• Faithfully pursue the time-tested devotional practices that bring the Spirit of the Lord into your life. 
• Seek the counsel of those who hold keys for your spiritual well-being. 
• Ask for and cherish priesthood blessings. 
• Take the sacrament every week
• Hold fast to the perfecting promises of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. 
• Believe in miracles. Hope is never lost. 
• If those miracles do not come soon or fully or seemingly at all, remember the Savior’s own anguished example: if the bitter cup does not pass, drink it and be strong, trusting in happier days ahead.
• Watch for the stress indicators in yourself and in others you may be able to help.
• Be alert to rising temperatures, excessive speed, or a tank low on fuel. 
• When you face “depletion depression,” make the requisite adjustments. Fatigue is the common enemy of us all—so slow down, rest up, replenish, and refill.  
• If things continue to be debilitating, seek the advice of reputable people with certified training, professional skills, and good values. 
• Be honest with them about your history and your struggles.
• Prayerfully and responsibly consider the counsel they give and the solutions they prescribe. 
• Seek a priesthood blessing and get the best medical care available.    
• Try not to be overwhelmed with the size of your task. Don’t assume you can fix everything, but fix what you can. 
• Be grateful for small victories and be patient. 
• In your devoted effort to assist with another’s health, do not destroy your own. In all these things be wise. Do not run faster than you have strength.
• Offer your prayers and give “love unfeigned.”
• “Charity suffereth long, and is kind; … [it] beareth all things, … hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth.”
• Find your divine purpose in the midst of your affliction and a something to be grateful for each day  
• Do not vote against the preciousness of life by ending it! 
• Trust in God. Hold on in His love. 
• Be merciful, nonjudgmental, and kind to those suffering
• Live by faith, hold fast to hope, and show “compassion one of another 

DOCTRINAL INSIGHT

• It is crucial to remember that we are living—and chose to live—in a fallen world where for divine purposes our pursuit of godliness will be tested and tried again and again.
• God's love never changes. … It is there for you when you are sad or happy, discouraged or hopeful. God’s love is there for you whether or not you feel you deserve [it]. It is simply always there.
• Our Father in Heaven expects us to use all of the marvelous gifts He has provided in this glorious dispensation.
• Patiently enduring some things is part of our mortal education. 
• Remember that through any illness or difficult challenge, there is still much in life to be hopeful about and grateful for 
• You are infinitely more than your limitations or your afflictions! 
• Though you may feel you are “like a broken vessel,” you must remember, that vessel is in the hands of the divine potter. Broken minds can be healed just the way broken bones and broken hearts are healed.  

PROMISES

• Of greatest assurance in God’s plan is that a Savior was promised, a Redeemer, who through our faith in Him would lift us triumphantly over our tests and trials 
• It is only an appreciation of the divine love of the Savior, that will make our own lesser suffering first bearable, then understandable, and finally redemptive.
• Know that one day the dawn will break brightly and all shadows of mortality will flee. 
• That which was sown in corruption will one day be raised in incorruption and that which was sown in weakness will ultimately be raised in power. 
• Loved ones whom we knew to have disabilities in mortality will one day stand before us glorified and grand, breathtakingly perfect in body and mind.  

WARNINGS

• Physicians promise us that if we do not take time to be well, we most assuredly will take time later on to be ill.